Whatever next?And what about Dr. Jules Montenier? – he’s actually real! Not like that phoney Barry Scott from the Cillit Bang ads – he’s just an actor called Neil!
More from Companion magazine 1952…
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From Companion Magazine May 1952
These job opportunities were recently advertised in my local paper - the Lynn News and may be a reflection of the governments new policies to improve care for the elderly.
This is not a spelling error; an institution as fine and respectable as this would not allow a simple lapse in concentration to sully its pages, nor miss the digressions of a mischievous intern. This is, good readers, a finely positioned hickey. A hickey is an error during the printing process which results in a white spot on the final printed piece. Printers can get very dusty because of the large amounts of paper being handled on a daily basis. If a small fleck of dust lands a piece of paper before it runs through the press, it prevents the ink from hitting the paper leaving a white spot. This type of hickey can show up on a very small number of printed pieces because the dust is constantly moving in the air. I have checked other copies of the newspaper and found them all to be as perfect as one has come to expect from this bastion of quality local news.
Imagine the kind of responses an ad like this would generate though? I’ll leave you with that thought!
This blog was originally started as a platform to allow me to share my creative explorations, my design projects and my views on design. On that score, I believe I have fulfilled my original aims. I would now like to share my thoughts on some other aspects of design. This month I would like to celebrate the wonderful world of the SMALL AD:
It’s all you’ll ever need!
Tired of wasting time and breaking your fingernails?
Don’t lose valuable sleep!
Instant combination ‘no tears’ Onion chopper and anti-burglar device!
USB Freeview receiver and blood pressure monitor!
Norwegian Easi-Grip Heat Inducing Knee brace!
I love those catalogues that get posted through my door from time to time. So full of things to make our hectic and inconvenient lives easier and quicker. So full of great things we had no idea we needed! The following ads are all absolutely true…
Question: if the hat is so good, and makes the wearer so debonair, why didn’t they let someone actually wear it?Question: Is it meant to be worn in an exceptionally large size, and is there something inside to keep it at that jaunty angle?
Christian? Tired of lugging that heavy old bible around? Now you can carry this lightweight USB version instead – all you need is a fully charged laptop…
Without disturbing your bed mate? I don’t think it will be much of a problem if you went to bed wearing this…
Before, during and after a meal? That’ll be for the entire day then! Thank goodness it’s ‘easy to wear!’ There is also one for the ladies in a fetching red tartan.
Yes, now you can ditch that tiny, flesh coloured hearing aid that fitted snugly within your inner ear – just clip on this external 2½” brushed aluminium effect and matt black plastic ‘fake’ hands-free phone device – no-one need ever know!
Now I must say here that in all seriousness that I am not laughing at the expense of the incontinent. It’s that little yellow lozenge in the top right that does it for me! It appeals to the Homer Simpson in me!
But I want to end this post with what I think is the piece-de-resistance:
Consider my heart fully lifted by all means, but I am struggling to find a wall in my home it would grace. And just what sound does it make exactly? I can imagine…
So lets bring this back to a designerly level. A graphic designer, or someone with some reasonable digital skills has assembled each of these ads, all taken from one catalogue I may add, and tried to present them in a visually interesting way, probably with terrible product shots, and incorporating text from some bibulous copywriter trying to ensure that the next bottle of Martini is forthcoming. Well done my friend. You were fighting a losing battle before you came to work.
This might sound like I am being sarcastic but ‘long live the small ad! ‘ I wish I could get away with this sometimes! I have smiled and laughed at this catalogue, probably much more than most of the christmas TV comedy specials this year. I have also been tempted to part with my money too, but I won’t tell you what for!
Many thanks to my ‘In-Laws’ for letting me nick this catalogue that was posted through their door! And also to all those companies that put these things together, especially this one.
Here are three advertisements from a 1951 issue of the New Yorker magazine. I expect some dialogue about the first one… There is a screen moiré effect on these images at this size, due to the coarse dot screen used for halftone print images at the time. so click on the images for an enlargement of each ad.
Next up is a very elegant ad for Tiffany watches. There is little contentious about this, but have a look at the line work on the watch drawings. Mmm. Nice!
And finally, this one is for my friend Trevor, who knows a thing or two about a lot of things, but seriously knows his gin. Chin-chin!
It’s time to meet the family and sample my cream! (sorry, that really wasn’t necessary, but I couldn’t resist). I had a visit from a dear friend and colleague Hilary on Wednesday who gave me this little leaflet. It’s a promotional piece that came with a cream making machine from way back when – they do pop up on ebay occasionally, and apparently quite collectable. I can’t remember whether she said she still had the machine, but she had kept this promo leaflet. Any guesses why she gave it to me?
Anyway, this thing is great! Do you think Great Aunt Zena would make it into todays marketing?
And if anyone is wondering about what the cream maker actually is, check it out here.
Is it just me that’s fed up with all the ridiculous pseudo-science that has crept into modern advertising? I don’t want to put any L.casei Imunitass® in my gut, whether it’s friendly or not! And do I really need Innovative Molecular Precision Technology® in my shampoo? Why are all these women sitting around in coffe bars discussing their ‘bloating’ and constipation? I guess I’m just getting old.
It reminds me of all those old remedies that old people suggest when young people get poorly; ” You want to disolve some Smeckler’s powder with a tincture of vinegar and bicarbonate of soda and spread it on that bruise – I were always coated in the stuff as a lad and it din’t do me no ‘arm.”
I was listening to Small Change by Tom Waits today on the way home from work and the lyrics to ‘Step Right Up’ ring ever more true…
Step right up, step right up, step right up,
Everyone’s a winner, bargains galore
That’s right, you too can be the proud owner
Of the quality goes in before the name goes on
One-tenth of a dollar, one-tenth of a dollar, we got service after sales
You need perfume? we got perfume, how ’bout an engagement ring?
Something for the little lady, something for the little lady,
Something for the little lady, hmm
Three for a dollar
We got a year-end clearance, we got a white sale
And a smoke-damaged furniture, you can drive it away today
Act now, act now, and receive as our gift, our gift to you
They come in all colors, one size fits all
No muss, no fuss, no spills, you’re tired of kitchen drudgery
Everything must go, going out of business, going out of business
Going out of business sale
Fifty percent off original retail price, skip the middle man
Don’t settle for less
How do we do it? how do we do it? volume, volume, turn up the volume
Now you’ve heard it advertised, don’t hesitate
Don’t be caught with your drawers down,
Don’t be caught with your drawers down
You can step right up, step right up
That’s right, it filets, it chops, it dices, slices,
Never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn
And it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school
It gets rid of unwanted facial hair, it gets rid of embarrassing age spots,
It delivers a pizza, and it lengthens, and it strengthens
And it finds that slipper that’s been at large
under the chaise lounge for several weeks
And it plays a mean Rhythm Master,
It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
And it’s only a dollar, step right up, it’s only a dollar, step right up
‘Cause it forges your signature
If not completely satisfied, mail back unused portion of product
For complete refund of price of purchase
Step right up
Please allow thirty days for delivery, don’t be fooled by cheap imitations
You can live in it, live in it, laugh in it, love in it
Swim in it, sleep in it,
Live in it, swim in it, laugh in it, love in it
Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets, that’s right
And it entertains visiting relatives, it turns a sandwich into a banquet
Tired of being the life of the party?
Change your shorts, change your life, change your life
Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy, get rid of your wife,
And it walks your dog, and it doubles on sax
Doubles on sax, you can jump back Jack, see you later alligator
See you later alligator
And it steals your car
It gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smoking
It’s a friend, and it’s a companion,
And it’s the only product you will ever need
Follow these easy assembly instructions it never needs ironing
Well it takes weights off hips, bust, thighs, chin, midriff,
Gives you dandruff, and it finds you a job, it is a job
And it strips the phone company free take ten for five exchange,
And it gives you denture breath
And you know it’s a friend, and it’s a companion
And it gets rid of your traveler’s checks
It’s new, it’s improved, it’s old-fashioned
Well it takes care of business, never needs winding,
Never needs winding, never needs winding
Gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis,
Christ, you don’t know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy,
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon
‘Cause it’s effective, it’s defective, it creates household odors,
It disinfects, it sanitizes for your protection
It gives you an erection, it wins the election
Why put up with painful corns any longer?
It’s a redeemable coupon, no obligation, no salesman will visit your home
We got a jackpot, jackpot, jackpot, prizes, prizes, prizes, all work guaranteed
How do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it
We need your business, we’re going out of business
We’ll give you the business
Get on the business end of our going-out-of-business sale
Receive our free brochure, free brochure
Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions, batteries not included
Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available,
Step right up, step right up, step right up
You got it buddy: the large print giveth, and the small print taketh away
Step right up, you can step right up, you can step right up
C’mon step right up
(Get away from me kid, you bother me…)
Step right up, step right up, step right up, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon
Step right up, you can step right up, c’mon and step right up,
C’mon and step right up
from www.lyricsmania.com
There’s no real point to this. I’m not building up to anything, I just wanted to get things off my chest is all…
